We all know what a booty call is. Most of us are probably “guilty” in participating (ain’t no shame, get it, but keep reading). As consenting adults, get laid. Safely. If everyone agrees it’s just sex, or kink play, or whatever y’all are into, cool cool cool. But don’t call up someone that you know is legitimately digging you, and just use them for sex.

That’s shitty. And I think most people recognize that that’s shitty. But I want to go one step further. I want to explore the emotional booty call (:: dun dun dunnnnn ::)

Okay. I’m not saying don’t lean on your friends. I’m not saying don’t turn to people in your time of need. We recently needed a tv. I posted on Facebook, literally the same day was picking up a free tv from a friend. So I’m not discouraging that, at all. I think it’s a matter of consent and a matter of intent. Is that person helping you because they can and would like to, or because they are being manipulated? Are you reaching out to them, knowing in their time of need you’d also be there for them, or are you reaching out solely to serve yourself?

I know a person who I won’t hear from for weeks, and then they’ll have a bad night and my phone is blowing up. One recent message from them said, “I just wanted to feel loved.” …. honey, I do love you, but not on command. And this person.. I’m not equally yoked with them, at all. I absolutely have friends where, if they sent me that, we’d be up chatting all night. I have friends where, when I send a message like that, we get milkshakes at midnight. But those people have a mutual love and respect situation with me. They are my healthy, mutually enjoyable, beneficial all around emotional hook ups, you know? As a (mostly) sane adult, who I fuck with – physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually – like… that shit is my life, those choices are important.

I never advocate for building walls. I never preach for anyone to close themselves off. I’m on mountain tops screaming the opposite, pretty much on the daily. Be authentic. Be open. Be vulnerable. But maybe be vulnerable in like… a turtle kinda way. I’m not an animal expert, but go with me on this for a sec. I’m pretty sure turtles, sans shell, are squishy and soft, right? But then they have like… bad ass armor. So… in the thinking about unhealthy booty calls, maybe don’t stick your neck out for those people. And I think we always know when vibes are bad, we know when we’re getting used or played, but we’re like drug addicts sometimes where the high from getting that attention or affection, overrides our knowing, or caring, about the destruction that comes with it.

I’m probably not gonna blow a guy who won’t go down on me (and most people I know hold similar sentiments), why would I pour effort and support into someone who, when they good, ain’t around for me? Basically, don’t give your heart blue balls.

Love y’all! 😘