I was hanging out with my ex at the bar last night (because I make awesome life choices….. – just kidding, mostly- love you boo!) and he kinda suddenly was like, “I’m sorry but I have to go,” and started explaining why and where he was going and this thing with this mutual friend of ours, etc, etc, etc and I was like… “dude… it’s fine, you are under no obligation to me. I’m glad you came out, it was super nice seeing you, but if you have to go – go, have a great night.” To me, it was that simple. We didn’t have specific plans to hang out all night so, you made a lovely cameo appearance, cool, hug, bye.
A 2020 goal is to say good luck and godspeed to complicated relationships. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Please note, I did not say I’m peacing out on relationships with complicated people. I’m just tired of everyone, myself included, making things harder than they need to be.
A few months back I had the… “what are we” talk with a guy. He was like, “what do you mean?” And I was like, “well, I’m trying to tell my friend about you and like.. you’re not my boyfriend.. ” and legit his response was, “oh… yeah.. I’m you’re non monogamous casual romantic partner.” W.T.F. That’s what I’m done with. If I can’t describe what you are to me, accurately, using one or two words, you and I are too complicated and our tetris pieces need reconfigured so a few rows get eliminated.
It might seem like I’m oversimplifying, but that is just so a risk I’m willing to take. Right now in my life, I’d rather I strip things down to much, than I over puff them up even slightly. The only puzzle I’m working on this year is me. The only puzzle you should work on this year is you. Now, if I love you (if your one or two word descriptor is “friend”, “good friend”, I’ll even include “fuck buddy”) and every now and then you get stuck and you just need a new set of eyes on your puzzle, I’m happy to look and point out a piece or two that can help. But that’s it. I love you but that’s your mess. I have a hard time asking for help, but if I need it, I know who I can ask that will spend a lil bit of time helping me find a corner piece that then I can build from.
To uncomplicate things, a certain level of bare bones honesty is required. And that’s scary and that’s hard and that’s something I need to work on. It’s creating boundaries so lines are not confusing. It’s clearly expressing my intent. I can’t expect simplicity when I’m fucking around, playing games.
So.. just some thoughts. Keep it simple. Keep it clear. Keep it 100, or whatever the kids say. And hold those in your life accountable to do the same. And encourage them to do the same with you. 2019 basically tried to kill us all, and based on current headlines, 2020 may not be much kinder, which is why we all need to do and be better for each other and ourselves but I just so strongly feel that will be ineffective unless we simplify. K.I.S.S (keep it simple, sexy!)