Wanna freak people out? Thank them for being in your life.

I had a bloody awful morning. The waves of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion were sweeping my ass out to sea. It was bad. And… in that place, with the few gasps of air I could manage in between being pulled under, I was able to see people who are here for me.

I was sad about someone who wasn’t. And that’s dumb.  No one is obligated to check on me, or care for me, or anything, even if I’ve done it for them, there is no law saying it has be reciprocal.

So, I sent a few messages to a handful of people (we’ll call them my umbrella holders), ranging from “thanks for being my friend”, “sorry I’ve been a shitty friend to you”, “thanks for checking on me”, nothing major or long to anyone. And I think people jumped to very bad conclusions, which is fucked up for a few reasons. Is gratitude so uncommon that when it is shown to us, we assume the worst?

I posted a while ago about uneven significance. Some of my umbrella holders are people I have never offered anything to, really. And they are still steadfast to me. And that’s not fair. It’s amazing. I’m deeply humbled by that. And I intend to try to do better by them, as much as I can. And the person I was sad about, I’ve not only offered him an umbrella but I fucking built him like.. a deluxe shelter house with free wi-fi when he was going through shit, and when I vocalized my shit storm, he was MIA. And that’s okay. I unfriended and blocked him as an act of self-care. It’s not always bubble baths and face masks and time in nature.  Sometimes it’s… taking out the emotional trash, cleaning out stagnant, unhealthy energy. No drama, no hard feelings, just.. protecting my bubble. If people cut me out/off, I’d get it.  You do you, boo, if that don’t involve me, no worries, light and love to you.

The most amazing thing is, I know, in my core, the people I reached out to, were truly just like.. a drop in my umbrella holder bucket. If I canvassed my social media, my coworkers, my landscape, asking for support, saying I need help, reaching out, I know, without a doubt, people would rise up, they’d open up their umbrellas and keep me dry during my shit storm. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.  Let people surprise you. Good or bad. Either way, it’s a lesson, it’s a story, it’s a starting point for change and growth and improvement. And for the love of God/Goddess/Spirit, say thank you. Say it more often. Appreciate liberally. Love profoundly. Live openly… full assedly…  😉

“Now that it’s raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella”  Queen RiRi

“Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down a road and back again
Your heart is true, you’re a pal and a confidant” Golden Girls Theme Song