I started writing a post a few weeks back and.. it’s still saved to drafts, along with half a dozen other abandoned ideas but there is a difference.  Normally if I don’t flesh out a post, if it ends up in the “saved drafts” graveyard, it’s because I don’t feel like there is enough there, or I can’t figure out how to say it, or I am unclear on what I want to say.  But this one, I stopped because I could not figure out a way to present the thoughts without being just… horribly offensive.

And I don’t want to do that. But now that I’ve been sitting on it for a few weeks, I’ve been re-pondering and like… do I care if I’m offensive?  Why do I care?  I mean, I love y’all, please know that. I’m a fucking nobody, spouting nonsense on the internet so, if you take even 3 minutes out of your day to read any of this, you are a super star to me. But.. I don’t know you. I will probably never meet you.  If you think I’m being a royal cunt in one of my posts, will it actually affect either of us?  Probably not. It’s not that I’m not already offensive, I mean, I did just use the word cunt, I’ve blipped over anal sex, edible panties, like.. this is not a G-rated blog, g-string maybe, but certainly not g-rated.

But.. maybe it was the topic. I wanted to dive into comments my friend makes about “skinny bitches”, and I wanted to contrast that against if someone made a similar comment about a “fat bitch” and sort of why one is more acceptable than the other and talk about body types, and why we shouldn’t talk about them, and body shaming and self love and all the things.  But in breaking it down, in pulling those buckets of words up from the well of my brain, it just… it didn’t work.  I mean I do still want to tackle some of those thoughts, eventually. But the more I wrote, the more and more kind of awful and offensive it became so I stopped.

And I hate the idea of editing myself so as to not offend. If you’re that easily ticked off, you probably shouldn’t be here. And I believe in free speech. And I celebrate differences of opinions. But… the post goes unpublished still. I’m not even sure who I’m afraid I’ll offend. The two guys I matched with on Tinder? I just… I don’t know. I try to not be abrasive, but at the same time, sometimes things have to be sanded down a bit, you know? So, do I want my blog to be sandpaper? No. But do I want to feel like I can’t say something because it might hurt feelings?  No. Maybe I want to be like ultra fine grit sandpaper, which “is one of the most delicate abrasives”, per doityourself.com. (Yes, I did research sandpaper. Leave me alone. This is how I end up with a bizarrely broad knowledge base.)

I think I’d feel okay rubbing you the wrong way, if I did it delicately. Which sounds kinda dirty, but gentle, so I’ll let it stand.

You tell me to relax
And listen to these facts
That everyone’s my friend
And will be till the end
But know this much is true
No matter what I do
No matter what I say
Offend in every way  ~White Stripes